THE NEXT RIGHT THING

I’m in the season of life where I draw inspiration from the Disney movies my son watches. And luckily, I have a Disney loving friend who told me I should add Frozen into our repertoire. But it wasn’t for my son’s sake, it was actually for me. You see, the movie Frozen 2 has a very powerful song in it. (It has more than one actually but those are for later). This one in particular is called The Next Right Thing. If you have experienced any sort of grief or trauma, this song HITS. 

I think this is such an important message to anyone in the very early stages of grief. In fact, I think it might be one of the most important pieces of advice you could ever give someone.  And honestly, it is not only for grievers, it can be for those who find themselves frozen by their anxieties or stressors in their life.  Some lyrics below for the full effect!

Can there be a day beyond this night?

I don’t know anymore what is true

I can’t find my direction, I’m all alone

The only star that guided me was you

How to rise from the floor

When it’ not you I’m rising for?

Just do the next right thing

Take a step, step again

It is all that I can to do

The next right thing

That morning after your loss, the weeks, months after- those are ruthless. You quite literally have to scrape yourself off the floor or out of bed most days. If you’re lucky, you were given some time off from work. For me that was one week- thank you corporate America, that was so very generous of you! (I’m not bitter). So, when you do have to go back to work or return to your normal life, the task of getting yourself ready, out the door, and into reality feels so heavy. It’s simply too much. 

Or take it a step further and you have to spend time with family or friends. Then bring on holidays, dinners, big events. It’s too much. It overwhelms the grieving mind. And rightfully so. Our world just exploded. No thank you to Christmas, or work, or fun outings. LET US BE. 

All of these things can quite literally make you feel like you have a 4,000 foot mountain to climb each day. We aren’t ready for that yet.  When you are ready though, I highly recommend it because the hike from this picture really did wonders for my griefy brain. 

All jokes and witty banter aside, I take this stuff rather seriously. I’m here to impart some sort of wisdom because my gosh I needed this in my early days. And I feel compelled to speak on this topic because it’s quite literally the only thing I’m halfway qualified in or passionate about.

Don’t ask for my advice on fashion, or interior design though. Cringe. 

Any who- try your best not to think too far ahead. I really wish someone gave me this advice early on, not only that, I wish they hit me upside the head with this wisdom. Don’t worry about how you are going to feel in the coming weeks or even years. Those emotions can be very scary, I know. All we can do in the early days of grief is the next right thing. Whether that is taking a shower, brushing our hair, or something bigger like going back to work. It’s a lot of small steps that slowly guide you along this new landscape you are living in. That’s how we go on. One step at a time. Mountains come much later.

The big pain points will come barreling through. But they will miss this, and they will miss that. Thinking about my future without my dad used to make me want to break things. Lots of things. But let’s back way up buttercup. Yes, it sucks. But today, we focus on today. Let’s just get you in the shower. Maybe we throw away all the trash that’s piling up? Or go grab your mail! That is literally all that matters.

TODAY. You can worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. 

I think once you can conquer all the little steps, it makes the bigger steps start to feel a lot less scary. And while you are learning to only focus on the next right thing, please oh please give yourself grace. I gave myself none in those early days, so my hope for those reading this is that you offer yourself plenty.

And like I said, this can also be for those anxious minds out there, not just grievers. Sometimes I find myself reeling after one of my son’s tantrums and when I feel like I literally can’t make a move, I tell myself to start small and go from there. 

So that’s it. That’s my pitch. Anna from Frozen 2 sang her way into my heart and I just had to share. 

Also, Disney- good on you for teaching children this concept. Truly!

And to my friend who pointed this song out to me. Thank you for making me feel seen.